Redefining my dream job: self-employed working mom
I recently celebrated the one-year anniversary of forming Coriolis People and starting my self-employment journey. My friends and family probably thought I was insane to walk away from my job in Manhattan where I enjoyed a steadily increasing six-figure salary, low-cost healthcare, an abundance of free food and booze, and an annual company talent show that I was somehow allowed to plan and emcee. I had tangible goals that I didn’t have to define on my own, a legal department to advise me when needed, and a support team to ghostwrite emails for me. I didn’t have to worry about buying professional liability insurance, figuring out how to pay quarterly estimated taxes, and writing contracts. Sounds like a dream job. But my responsibilities and title hadn’t changed in 6 years, and my employer wasn’t open to compromising on a lateral move or project leadership. I loved many of my co-workers dearly, but it’s an understatement to say that I was stagnating. I was also eager to ditch my 90-minute commute each way, and the rigidity of having to work during “normal” business hours.
My first job set the bar really high, and I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do next. As a 33-year-old mother of an infant, I wanted professional advancement, but I also needed flexibility. How do people find those elusive 60% time professional positions? Would part-time work satisfy my competitive spirit? What about fully remote work? Is that a thing? Will a lateral move to another employer resolve my current frustrations, or will they resurface again in a few months?
Finding the ideal second job when you’ve had a successful run in your first can be extremely difficult. Introduce a baby and a long commute into the equation, and it can seem impossible. I’m sure there were suitable jobs out there, but all of the unknowns were daunting, and spending time with my family was too important to take a chance on another full-time job in Manhattan. So I decided to take the plunge — write my own job description, set my own goals, and completely control my hours. Enter Coriolis People, my one-woman recruiting agency. I’ve had a lot of help along the way, and I’ve learned a few things about recruiting and about myself.
My toddler and your employees want the same thing.
I’ve spoken with hundreds of job seekers this year about what prompted them to explore new opportunities. While some were seeking an increase in salary, a change of industry, or simply a new challenge, I’ve been struck by the number of people who mention that they want to be heard, respected, and valued by their employer. They want to make a meaningful contribution to a communal effort. For many, the intended goal of that effort matters less than feeling like an important part of a whole. I’m no longer surprised by candidates who walk away from a stratospheric salary and comfortable work environment because they want to be heard, respected, and valued. Salary increases are necessary for employers to communicate that they value their staff, but they are not sufficient.
What does this have to do with my toddler? I read an NPR piece about how Mayan parents get their children to do chores, and how toddlers have an inherent desire to be helpful. They want to contribute to their households and communities. They’re not working for a reward; in fact, rewards like toys or cookies often make them less likely to repeat the helpful act. I see this in action every day. My son genuinely loves to “help” sweep the floor, wipe surfaces, and water plants (always a failure in our household, though his daycare classroom has a thriving garden). Of course it would be easier and faster for me to sit him in front of the TV while I quickly take care of these household chores. But I’m working on developing the patience to let him help and to teach him that he is an important contributor to our little household, in the hopes that he’ll eventually want to contribute to the larger, more complex villages to which he belongs. The desire to be acknowledged as an independent thinker, capable of contributing to something bigger than yourself, starts early and stays with us into adulthood.
The ways in which employees add value for their employers should evolve over the years. It’s really boring to do the same thing all day every day for a decade. The best employees want to learn and grow, and savvy employers invest time and energy in fostering their internal career paths. This doesn’t always mean formal promotions or lateral movement. Sometimes it takes the form of two-way communication, compromise, and skills development. The length of any employee’s tenure can be increased if they are given a voice and their value is demonstrated in more ways than just salary increases.
I love working from home, but I still need community.
As an introvert, I feel like I’m living the dream, holed up in my home office with my computer screen shielding me from the world. I don’t have to deal with the sights, sounds, and smells of the commuting masses. Manspreading is no longer my problem. Water cooler banter is a thing of the past. I can wear slippers all day without judgement. I can eat lunch at 11:00 AM without an officemate raising an eyebrow and sending me this Onion article.
Working alone, from home, also has its challenges. It’s isolating. You miss out on the “aha!” moments that come from idly chatting with brilliant coworkers. Over dinner you accidentally regale your partner with a minute-by-minute account of your work day, which primarily consisted of sending emails, because, were you really working if no one saw you?
I’m still pondering solutions to the problem of building a sense of community as a self-employed person. Perhaps co-working? Regarding the lack of “aha!” moments, I try to spend 20% of my time working on projects that might not immediately generate revenue. Some of my most “productive” days have involved a “vacation” from my core job responsibilities, where instead of sourcing, I experiment with writing scripts to automate manual work, research industry trends, and dig deeper into the functionality of the tools I use on a daily basis.
It’s extremely hard to pull yourself away from your core responsibilities, especially as a team of one, because no one else is going to do that work. I’m striving to learn when to have a sense of urgency and when to allow myself time to do more intellectually challenging work. My default is to always have a sense of urgency, but as it happens I’m more productive when I step back, exercise some patience, and pick up that back-burner project.
Most people are respectful when responding to cold-emails, even when they are not interested.
I cold-contacted just over 1800 people this year to find out if they would consider a job/career move. About 600 people replied. I categorized replies as Interested Now, Interested Later, Not Interested, and Unfriendly. It turns out I only received two “Unfriendly” responses. I had assumed this number would be much higher. Who wants to receive unsolicited emails? I’ve never had a “sales-y” personality and I hate feeling like I’m inconveniencing people, so I questioned my capacity to reach out to strangers offering the opportunity to take a chance on a new employer and potentially uproot their family and move to New York City for deeper professional fulfillment. But people have been remarkably receptive, appreciative of the introductions I’m able to offer, and willing to put me in touch with others who might benefit from a conversation with me or one of my clients.
Self-employed working mom. Is it my dream job?
One of my initial struggles with leaving my full-time job was the fear that I was succumbing to American society’s gendered expectation of me as a mom. Why me? Couldn’t my husband give up his job instead? Can I still call myself a proud feminist if I’m prioritizing home-cooked meals over my career? Ultimately it was time for me to find a new job (baby and commute aside), and I didn’t want to work in the city anymore, but I still wanted to work. I also wanted to use my kitchen, at least occasionally.
My husband is also a proud feminist, and he would have willingly left his job if it was important to me to keep mine or find another in the city. That’s the kind of partner he is. He’s also the kind of partner who empowered me to take a risk that could have tanked our personal finances if it didn’t work out. Fortunately I have an extraordinarily supportive network, and they have enabled me to design a job for myself that offers professional and personal fulfillment. I’m sure I’ll have to think creatively about updating my job description in a few years, but for now there is still a lot to learn, about parenting and recruiting. I have an exciting supply of challenges ahead of me, and a successful year on the books. I don’t really believe in “dream jobs”, but this year has given me every indication that I’m moving in the right direction.
